highmeh
03-02-2008, 11:21 PM
Back in December of 07, beer in hand, party hat on my dome, and a glazed "Happy New Year" buzz in my head, I took a long hard inventory of myself. With 2008 just on the horizon, would it finally be time to better myself? Would I buy another gym membership that sat in my wallet behind my Vons Card, only once seeing the light of day?
What I saw boiled down to two flaws; 1) I can't save money to save my life, and 2) I'm a great big fat person. Something had to be done.
I took a swig of my Corona and pledged then and there that 2008 would be different. I'd stop using my debit card like it were a gift certificate from the Wells Fargo gods, and I'd start eating better and get out for a hike at least once a month. Best of intentions...
Here we sit March 2nd. My checking account still teeters between "Hilarious" and "Downright Dangerous," but i'm doing better. My eating habits, while at home, have certainly improved...though I do still eat out way too much. My hiking boots? They'd never seen the light of day.
So, I decided to embark on a short fat-man's hike. For those of you that know me, we're well aware that I am rather ... out of shape. While living in California affords some of the nicest 36 mile round-trip jaunts America has to offer, I was looking for something a bit more basic. Off to Paradise Falls!
Hiking distance: 3.2-mile loop.
Hiking time: 2 hours.
Highlights: 70-foot waterfall, two small waterfalls, crawl-through cave, man-made steps and two wooden bridges.
Elevation gain: 400 feet.
Difficulty: Easy.
Signs: Trails are well marked with signs.
Sounds good to me. I began by heading to the 101 Freeway, exiting, and driving through Wildwood Park; the precursor to the Falls trailhead.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3357.JPG
A nice long straight shot, the posted speed limit was 30 miles per hour. That's such a lie, I did 70 and it was just fine. I parked and made my way to the trailhead.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3366.JPG
Mmm, wood AND yellow tempra Danit. Snazzy! The trail was fairly crowded for a Sunday afternoon; i saw quite a few people jogging the trail with their dogs, making me look like i needed a Defibrillator and 300CCs of Epinephrine. The one other portly fellow on the trail and I made eye contact, and nodded knowingly. This was going to be a chubbo challenge.
After the initial ascent, you walk about a mile on fairly level terrain; this part of the trail is frequented by folks on horseback and mountain bikes, so it's readily accessible. I veered off of Moonridge trail and on to Teepee trail, where things got a bit less level.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3358.JPG
Oh joyous world ,a switchback trail! Just what I'd hoped for! This is great because going down is super easy and I'm not even winded! Surely this will be the same when I'm climbing back up the switchba-Fuck!
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3359.JPG
Within 15 minutes I was at the top of the falls; they drop about 70 feet down total, however I wasn't able to get a very good shot. A group of teenagers were lying on the rocks used to cross the stream, smoking weed from a large bong. I declined their polite offering to "have a schmoke, brah?" and made my way down to the pool.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3360.JPG
The pool was about 10 feet deep in it's center, feeding a creek that ran along the side of the rest of the trail. I stopped here, ate a power bar, and sucked down half a liter of water.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3361.JPG
A view looking down as I climbed up the trail. There was a group of 4 good looking girls with "CAL LUTEHREN UNIVERSITY" shirts on that were just behind me; this picture serves no purpose except to look like slightly less of a pussy while i stopped to catch my breath and slow my near-exploding heart.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3362.JPG
A view up. The trail back to the car is on top of this bluff. Note that I am nowhere near the top of this bluff, and am quite sure I'm about to die.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3363.JPG
A few minutes later, I am still not at the top of said bluff.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3364.JPG
Finally made it to the top of the bluff, at the "Teepee Trail" resting area. Its basically a big Teepee built by the National Forest Service to provide shade and a water fountain. I would not be the only winded jerk to sit here catching my breath that day.
I heft my fat ass up and hike the other mile and a half to my car. I realize this thread is extremely anti-climactic for most/all of you who weigh anywhere near what the American Heart Association considers "Normal," but the point is I did the freakin' hike. I rarely exercise beyond moving these nimble dancer's fingers around the keyboard, and this really has inspired me to keep it up.
I should also note that I had a modified "bug-out" bag on during this godawful nature walk; I carried everything from my Bug-Out Bag thread...almost. Because this is technically national forest but is completely encircled by a city, I traded my trusty pistol and shotgun for a can of OC spray, a pocket knife, and a cell phone.
Here is the map of the area, highlighting the route I lumbered around:
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3367.JPG
Lessons Learned:
Fat people are terrible at hiking, walking, and playing the guitar
When you think you've packed enough water, grab another bottle.
Ill-fitting Wal*Mart boots are not conducive to hiking
My feet hurt
What I saw boiled down to two flaws; 1) I can't save money to save my life, and 2) I'm a great big fat person. Something had to be done.
I took a swig of my Corona and pledged then and there that 2008 would be different. I'd stop using my debit card like it were a gift certificate from the Wells Fargo gods, and I'd start eating better and get out for a hike at least once a month. Best of intentions...
Here we sit March 2nd. My checking account still teeters between "Hilarious" and "Downright Dangerous," but i'm doing better. My eating habits, while at home, have certainly improved...though I do still eat out way too much. My hiking boots? They'd never seen the light of day.
So, I decided to embark on a short fat-man's hike. For those of you that know me, we're well aware that I am rather ... out of shape. While living in California affords some of the nicest 36 mile round-trip jaunts America has to offer, I was looking for something a bit more basic. Off to Paradise Falls!
Hiking distance: 3.2-mile loop.
Hiking time: 2 hours.
Highlights: 70-foot waterfall, two small waterfalls, crawl-through cave, man-made steps and two wooden bridges.
Elevation gain: 400 feet.
Difficulty: Easy.
Signs: Trails are well marked with signs.
Sounds good to me. I began by heading to the 101 Freeway, exiting, and driving through Wildwood Park; the precursor to the Falls trailhead.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3357.JPG
A nice long straight shot, the posted speed limit was 30 miles per hour. That's such a lie, I did 70 and it was just fine. I parked and made my way to the trailhead.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3366.JPG
Mmm, wood AND yellow tempra Danit. Snazzy! The trail was fairly crowded for a Sunday afternoon; i saw quite a few people jogging the trail with their dogs, making me look like i needed a Defibrillator and 300CCs of Epinephrine. The one other portly fellow on the trail and I made eye contact, and nodded knowingly. This was going to be a chubbo challenge.
After the initial ascent, you walk about a mile on fairly level terrain; this part of the trail is frequented by folks on horseback and mountain bikes, so it's readily accessible. I veered off of Moonridge trail and on to Teepee trail, where things got a bit less level.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3358.JPG
Oh joyous world ,a switchback trail! Just what I'd hoped for! This is great because going down is super easy and I'm not even winded! Surely this will be the same when I'm climbing back up the switchba-Fuck!
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3359.JPG
Within 15 minutes I was at the top of the falls; they drop about 70 feet down total, however I wasn't able to get a very good shot. A group of teenagers were lying on the rocks used to cross the stream, smoking weed from a large bong. I declined their polite offering to "have a schmoke, brah?" and made my way down to the pool.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3360.JPG
The pool was about 10 feet deep in it's center, feeding a creek that ran along the side of the rest of the trail. I stopped here, ate a power bar, and sucked down half a liter of water.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3361.JPG
A view looking down as I climbed up the trail. There was a group of 4 good looking girls with "CAL LUTEHREN UNIVERSITY" shirts on that were just behind me; this picture serves no purpose except to look like slightly less of a pussy while i stopped to catch my breath and slow my near-exploding heart.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3362.JPG
A view up. The trail back to the car is on top of this bluff. Note that I am nowhere near the top of this bluff, and am quite sure I'm about to die.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3363.JPG
A few minutes later, I am still not at the top of said bluff.
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3364.JPG
Finally made it to the top of the bluff, at the "Teepee Trail" resting area. Its basically a big Teepee built by the National Forest Service to provide shade and a water fountain. I would not be the only winded jerk to sit here catching my breath that day.
I heft my fat ass up and hike the other mile and a half to my car. I realize this thread is extremely anti-climactic for most/all of you who weigh anywhere near what the American Heart Association considers "Normal," but the point is I did the freakin' hike. I rarely exercise beyond moving these nimble dancer's fingers around the keyboard, and this really has inspired me to keep it up.
I should also note that I had a modified "bug-out" bag on during this godawful nature walk; I carried everything from my Bug-Out Bag thread...almost. Because this is technically national forest but is completely encircled by a city, I traded my trusty pistol and shotgun for a can of OC spray, a pocket knife, and a cell phone.
Here is the map of the area, highlighting the route I lumbered around:
http://230grain.com/images/rsrh/IMG_3367.JPG
Lessons Learned:
Fat people are terrible at hiking, walking, and playing the guitar
When you think you've packed enough water, grab another bottle.
Ill-fitting Wal*Mart boots are not conducive to hiking
My feet hurt